We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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