he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
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