I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
