My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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