wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
