Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
