you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
