READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
We are all done wearing pants today
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
