I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
