if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
