Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
