you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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