fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I've blown a few things in my day
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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