I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Randomize
