i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
