worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Randomize
