she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
