Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
