when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
