Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Randomize
