yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
