East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
