Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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