i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
