If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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