The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
