I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
