giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
