i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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