Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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