what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I woke up under a house in Key West
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