He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
