I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
