So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
