New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
