you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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