Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
