My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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