You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
