You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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