And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
