another moral hangover. fuck.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
