garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
do herpes really smell.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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