last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
