I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
