I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
