so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
