wakey wakey hands off snakey
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
