The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
please come you make the beer taste better
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
