i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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