You made me cry and you don't even care
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
