Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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