you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
