did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
